A Big Scare!
it's 4:09AM on the 28th of March, 2006. Although I should go to sleep, I feel I have to write about what just happened.
12am - I was getting ready to go to bed and then my roommate Ben asked if I wanted to play some Super Smash Bros. Melee on the GameCube w/him. I said sure and he said wait 5 mins. So I decided to play some poker online to pass the time. I was playing pot limit 3 omaha 8 or better tables and 1 7 card stud table. I don't want to digress and explain how to play each game, sorry! I bought in for 25 dollars at the pot limit and 50 at the 7 card stud - .25/.50 betting.
Let's just say that w/me not concentrating or caring because it's "only" 25 dollars, I ended up losing 50 I think at pot limit. Then I went to No Limit to win it back, well I got careless and on another hand I accidently clicked fold, doh! I'm now down 100 dollars. Ouch...
I'm really annoyed and frustrated by this, oh and ya, Ben forgot that we were supposed to play Smash Bros. Melee, which is ok now because I'm determined to make back my money.
Currently I have a 1000 dollar bankroll. I had turned my initial 500 dollars into 1074 dollars by bonus whoring at partypoker (75 bonus) then pokerroom.com (got a 250 dollar bonus for playing there.)
But as of 4 hours ago, I had only 900 left. I don't have the patience to grind it and earn it back from 1/2, mainly because I didn't lose it at limit hold'em but instead donked it off and 7 card and omaha. Granted I'll be judged by some of you readers and scolded but hey, it's my money and I'll do with it what I want.
"The thing with kids is, if they want to grab for the gold ring, you have to let them do it, and not say anything. If they fall off, they fall off, but it's bad if you say anything to them." - Holden Caufield.
So I sit down at two tables for 2/4 limit and two tables for 3/6 limit (originally two 3/6 and one 2/4, then I added another 2/4 as a last minute decision)
Oh man did that go wrong. I took some hits at both 3/6, was down about another hundred or hundred and fifty. yeah, that started to hurt inside. My 2/4 game was up 40 dollars but the other tables weren't going so hot. Then with a little luck on my side, I hit my card rush, pocket aces held up twice. Got pocket Queens twice, went in as an underdog vs KK and vs AA on another time and hit sets to win both those hands. I got really lucky there but I really was playing close to my A game fellas.
Thing you don't know about me is that I had a huge discipline issue, still do to an extent. I used to get a bankroll and then lose it either by tilting or doing dumb stuff like tonight! But after grinding out the .50/1 and 1/2 limit, I feel like my discipline has gotten better. Yes there will be times when I feel like truly gambling but I'll always remember my promise to God that I made.
How funny, a promise to God about poker, a form of gambling. Side note: the stock market is also gambling yet it's legal. In order to TRULY SUCCEED at both games, they require research and investing money. Taking CALCULATED risks yet because they are risks, that means the result is uncertain thus making it a gamble. People have lost millions at both types of games so to distinguish one from another is a useless argument to me.
Anyhow I really did make a promise to God that I will play this game to the best of my ability, earn what I can, learn what I can, and give back. I have a lot of people I want to help. I want to make millions at this game, granted I will also keep millions for myself BUT I really want to help my friends and also society as a whole. Do we really need 20 million dollars? Not really, but I admit I am selfish and I will not hesitate to debase my ownself because I think that is the only way to keep myself humble.
Another thing most people don't know is that I have never had emotional support. I have never had someone tell me that they are proud of what I am doing and that I can do something. I have always been doubted by friends and family. In my infant years, my father was a very very busy doctor. I know he's a damn good doctor and I don't even have to ask his patients for proof. I have always seen how well respected he is around the office and I've remember some stories from a few patients back then. But as a father, he never satisfied this role. He did financially. He put food on the table but what about his son? He worked 12 hour days and spent the whole weekend recovering from fatigue. Call me selfish but perhaps I'd rather have a father figure in my life. Fast forward and things are pretty awkward between us. That's all I'd like to say about this for now.
My mom wasn't as busy. She didn't spend much time with me either. I just wanted to write that incase you might think my parents are divorced, haha.
So I digressed a lot but I'm doing my best to keep completely honest here fellas. Honesty also means not holding back any sudden feelings or thoughts so you have a little more insight into the jumpiness of my brain. You know whenever I watch a movie, I always start to daydream about a movie that I want to do? lol...
Happy Ending! I played my A- game and made back everything +4 dollars. I don't feel like I've earned the 4 dollars. I'm very grateful that I made it all back and can start at the 1000 dollar mark again. I didn't even log any of this stuff in pokertracker (poker program which keeps track of ALL your data - hands played, % won, etc etc etc). I want to prove that I can grind from $500 to super stardom and that anyone else can do it as long as they're willing to put in the time and effort.
Poker is a lonely game for me though. I don't have anyone except Nick to talk to about it. My "best friend" (some sarcasm here) Shawn always frowns upon it, even though he gambles himself and claims that for him it's not an issue - which it might not be but you don't set a very good example when you say dont' do it and do it yourself, and no one else really knows the game. I sometimes talk to my rooommate Ben about it because I get too excited and have to talk to SOMEONE about it. I don't like to brag; I do my best not to. Men shouldn't brag, people with character shouldn't brag. People who seek praise from others become dependent and weak. What's wrong with being weak you ask? Why be weak when you can avoid it? What's wrong with strengthening your own character? You can make your choices and I will make mine.
I feel like I have more to write about, but I'm at the limit for now. It can only be so entertaining writing to an online blog that cannot respond or act as a person does, and even then, while I enjoy reading comments and getting feedback, nothing is more interesting than an honest one on one conversation in person.
I wish you good night and good luck,
may you be as fortunate to recover from your mistakes as I have tonight.
Yours truly,
Michael Young Jun Song
12am - I was getting ready to go to bed and then my roommate Ben asked if I wanted to play some Super Smash Bros. Melee on the GameCube w/him. I said sure and he said wait 5 mins. So I decided to play some poker online to pass the time. I was playing pot limit 3 omaha 8 or better tables and 1 7 card stud table. I don't want to digress and explain how to play each game, sorry! I bought in for 25 dollars at the pot limit and 50 at the 7 card stud - .25/.50 betting.
Let's just say that w/me not concentrating or caring because it's "only" 25 dollars, I ended up losing 50 I think at pot limit. Then I went to No Limit to win it back, well I got careless and on another hand I accidently clicked fold, doh! I'm now down 100 dollars. Ouch...
I'm really annoyed and frustrated by this, oh and ya, Ben forgot that we were supposed to play Smash Bros. Melee, which is ok now because I'm determined to make back my money.
Currently I have a 1000 dollar bankroll. I had turned my initial 500 dollars into 1074 dollars by bonus whoring at partypoker (75 bonus) then pokerroom.com (got a 250 dollar bonus for playing there.)
But as of 4 hours ago, I had only 900 left. I don't have the patience to grind it and earn it back from 1/2, mainly because I didn't lose it at limit hold'em but instead donked it off and 7 card and omaha. Granted I'll be judged by some of you readers and scolded but hey, it's my money and I'll do with it what I want.
"The thing with kids is, if they want to grab for the gold ring, you have to let them do it, and not say anything. If they fall off, they fall off, but it's bad if you say anything to them." - Holden Caufield.
So I sit down at two tables for 2/4 limit and two tables for 3/6 limit (originally two 3/6 and one 2/4, then I added another 2/4 as a last minute decision)
Oh man did that go wrong. I took some hits at both 3/6, was down about another hundred or hundred and fifty. yeah, that started to hurt inside. My 2/4 game was up 40 dollars but the other tables weren't going so hot. Then with a little luck on my side, I hit my card rush, pocket aces held up twice. Got pocket Queens twice, went in as an underdog vs KK and vs AA on another time and hit sets to win both those hands. I got really lucky there but I really was playing close to my A game fellas.
Thing you don't know about me is that I had a huge discipline issue, still do to an extent. I used to get a bankroll and then lose it either by tilting or doing dumb stuff like tonight! But after grinding out the .50/1 and 1/2 limit, I feel like my discipline has gotten better. Yes there will be times when I feel like truly gambling but I'll always remember my promise to God that I made.
How funny, a promise to God about poker, a form of gambling. Side note: the stock market is also gambling yet it's legal. In order to TRULY SUCCEED at both games, they require research and investing money. Taking CALCULATED risks yet because they are risks, that means the result is uncertain thus making it a gamble. People have lost millions at both types of games so to distinguish one from another is a useless argument to me.
Anyhow I really did make a promise to God that I will play this game to the best of my ability, earn what I can, learn what I can, and give back. I have a lot of people I want to help. I want to make millions at this game, granted I will also keep millions for myself BUT I really want to help my friends and also society as a whole. Do we really need 20 million dollars? Not really, but I admit I am selfish and I will not hesitate to debase my ownself because I think that is the only way to keep myself humble.
Another thing most people don't know is that I have never had emotional support. I have never had someone tell me that they are proud of what I am doing and that I can do something. I have always been doubted by friends and family. In my infant years, my father was a very very busy doctor. I know he's a damn good doctor and I don't even have to ask his patients for proof. I have always seen how well respected he is around the office and I've remember some stories from a few patients back then. But as a father, he never satisfied this role. He did financially. He put food on the table but what about his son? He worked 12 hour days and spent the whole weekend recovering from fatigue. Call me selfish but perhaps I'd rather have a father figure in my life. Fast forward and things are pretty awkward between us. That's all I'd like to say about this for now.
My mom wasn't as busy. She didn't spend much time with me either. I just wanted to write that incase you might think my parents are divorced, haha.
So I digressed a lot but I'm doing my best to keep completely honest here fellas. Honesty also means not holding back any sudden feelings or thoughts so you have a little more insight into the jumpiness of my brain. You know whenever I watch a movie, I always start to daydream about a movie that I want to do? lol...
Happy Ending! I played my A- game and made back everything +4 dollars. I don't feel like I've earned the 4 dollars. I'm very grateful that I made it all back and can start at the 1000 dollar mark again. I didn't even log any of this stuff in pokertracker (poker program which keeps track of ALL your data - hands played, % won, etc etc etc). I want to prove that I can grind from $500 to super stardom and that anyone else can do it as long as they're willing to put in the time and effort.
Poker is a lonely game for me though. I don't have anyone except Nick to talk to about it. My "best friend" (some sarcasm here) Shawn always frowns upon it, even though he gambles himself and claims that for him it's not an issue - which it might not be but you don't set a very good example when you say dont' do it and do it yourself, and no one else really knows the game. I sometimes talk to my rooommate Ben about it because I get too excited and have to talk to SOMEONE about it. I don't like to brag; I do my best not to. Men shouldn't brag, people with character shouldn't brag. People who seek praise from others become dependent and weak. What's wrong with being weak you ask? Why be weak when you can avoid it? What's wrong with strengthening your own character? You can make your choices and I will make mine.
I feel like I have more to write about, but I'm at the limit for now. It can only be so entertaining writing to an online blog that cannot respond or act as a person does, and even then, while I enjoy reading comments and getting feedback, nothing is more interesting than an honest one on one conversation in person.
I wish you good night and good luck,
may you be as fortunate to recover from your mistakes as I have tonight.
Yours truly,
Michael Young Jun Song
posted by Michael Song at
1:09 AM
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